relationships

bringing back the spark

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Do you ever feel that stagnating feeling within your relationship? That feeling where nothing seems to be changing, the excitement is diminishing, dare I say, the love -making is on the downhill spiral, and it just feels like one day becomes the next? Relationships are hard work. They are not easy. Like a garden that needs some time, attention, love and care, so do our relationships.

With life’s demands only increasing, it is not surprising that some couples feel a flatness and lowness within their relationship. With the same routine continuing over and over again on a daily basis, it is important for couples to do something different every once in a while to reignite that spark, reignite the flame and feel the passion. Or how I like to say, put a little bit of extra spice back into it.

Last night hubby and I watched the silliest, yet funny movie, Amercian Reunion. I couldn’t help but laugh when we watched their bed moving to the motion of rocking their two-year old child to sleep at midnight, as opposed to anything else quite so fancy. Sound a little familiar? And so, this couple was reminded…you have to make time; you have to schedule it in. Even if it is between 1-3pm while the children are sleeping. Or maybe this is wishful thinking on my part…

So what can couples do to help bring that spark back?

  1. Take time out to spend with your partner – Make it a priority to have “date nights”. Whether it is playing a game of scrabble, Twister, going to the movies or having a meal out together, it is about spending time together and making the time to reconnect.
  2. Find regular moments to reconnect and debrief – Debrief the week’s challenges, stresses, highs and lows.
  3. Have a weekend away – yes this may be a little challenging for some but there is nothing better then escaping life’s daily demands and hybinating away for a short time
  4. Think about your passions and interests that bought you together – did you enjoy hiking, walking or have an activity that you did together? Find some time to reconnect to these original values and enjoyment.
  5. Communicate and listen – sounds easy right? But so often we talk but don’t listen. Couples need to listen with no judgment and communicate with honesty and respect.

Letting some parts of the relationship slip is easy to do when couples are juggling kids, work, family and everything else in between. Understand that reigniting the spark may take a little time. But with commitment, passion, mutual value for each other and understanding, sparks can be reignited. Because let’s be honest, we all like something new and exciting every once in a while. Whether it is a dinner date out, or a new pair of shoes, or a new outfit for a special occasion… it makes us feel a little bit more alive.

So come on , try it… what do you do to put a little extra “spice” into your relationship?

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  • http://www.confessionsofa30somethingwoman.blogspot.com Carly

    Love this post and completely resonate with it.
    I find our relationship goes in ups and downs depending on what else is happening in our lives but the best fire starter for us is a holiday or weekend away.

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      holiday/ weekend away is always the best! No kids is even better sometimes! Of course… not always realistic. And you are so right, relationships will always go and change like the wind depending upon what else is happening.

      Hope that holiday or weekend away happens soon :) x

  • http://www.thekidsareallright.com.au Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right

    I am very excited about a few days hubby and I are taking next week for a mini-mid-week holiday. Sans children.

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      Jealous!!! mid – week… how exciting :) Have an awesome time! Hope you guys do something extra special x

  • http://www.delightfullytackylilsquirts.com Yvette @ DTlilsquirts

    I try and put a sparkle into our time alone.. most of the time we crash into bed asleep once the kids are in bed.. making his favourite meal or running a bath before he gets home is always something he loves and makes him smile

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      ohh you are super wife! you having that bath together…. hehe xx

  • http://www.redcliffestyle.com Rachel from Redcliffe Style

    Yes, we need a bit of spark. It’s too easy to let it go out. Rachel xx

    #teamIBOT was here

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      so so easy! Thus the need to have it “scheduled”! xx

  • http://heartmama.net Zanni, Heart Mama

    So important, to stay connected. We are fortunate because my husband and I do have a great connection. All through our parenting years, we have maintained our bond. I think it comes from spending every evening together, always having meals together, having mutual interests, staying supportive of each other, being kind to each other…He was a good find! Great post. I see relationships breaking down around me, and know that it is so important to “weed the garden”.

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      Zanni you have said it all! I need say no more! except to add… that relationships are very much like a garden. And sometimes we have to get rid of the weeds that are impacting on the other flowers to blossom. xx

  • http://www.cupofteaandablog.com Catherine Rodie Blagg (Cup of Tea and a Blog)

    Reading this reminded me that a friend offered to baby sit so hubby and I could have a night out.. good prompt to get on to it! Thanks. Good tips and you’re so right that it’s easy to get caught up in routines. x

  • tahlia @ the parenting files

    Catherine sounds like you have an amazing friend! What a person to offer something so special so you and your hubby can spend time together. And when you do, enjoy it, and do something extra special. Something a little different maybe… xx

  • http://diaryofasahm.net jess

    We watched American Reunion on our weekly date night and loved it! So funny.
    Date night is our favourite night of the week. We have take away, drink a bottle of wine and watch a movie together. No phones or computers or distractions. ;)

  • http://illiterateinfant.com Kevin

    There has been a few occasions when we’ve stopped and realised that we haven’t actually talked to each other in weeks. Yes we talk at each other about babies, and household tasks but we forget to sit and listen to the other person. Now we try and make sure we connect for a few minutes now each night and listen to the other person.

  • Laura

    I need to spend more quality time with my husband but at the end of the day we are so tired!!! It’s like a routine…work, dinner, bit of tv while falling asleep. I feel like the movie Date Night!

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      hehe… although in Date Night they got up to some wild adventures at the end of it though…. xx