Family Life

I don’t care what mark my children get at school

Posted on July 23, 2013
school marks

I feel a shift. It is a shift towards a focus on school marks and scores. When did we become so focused on the marks our children get at school and not enough on a score of enjoyment and passion? Only recently, someone told me about the low grade her daughter got in her year six exams. Out of about five subjects, she got two low grades. Not bad, in my opinion. Guess which mark became the focus of the family dinner table discussion?

What do marks really say about a child anyway? That they are good, great, average or not so great in one area of study? Why have we not given our children a mark on how respectful they are, the essence of being nice and kind, or even the ability to show compassion and love? It is always summed up in report cards as “…but she is a lovely kind and beautiful girl.” Thanks for that. Where’s the report card that shows emotional qualities and achievements?

I want my children to grow up knowing that I don’t care what mark they get. If they are kind, generous, compassionate people and show respect to others, my job is done. As long as they are doing their best for the majority of their schooling years, enjoying the most part of their days and building solid foundations for their future, what more can I ask?

I feel we are focusing a little too much on these school grades and overall year twelve final assessment marks. They have relevance; I know, but seriously, enough with this sole focus on academic schooling and resulting grades. There is so much more we should be “assessing” and rewarding… isn’t there?

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This article was first seen in 3000Melbourne Magazine.

Linking up with Essentially Jess

{photo found here}

I like red wine, coffee and a good book {not necessarily in that order}. Mum to 2 rugrats, ex-psychotherapist turned tech entrepreneur.

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  • http://pandoraandmax.blogspot.com.au/2013/07/jump-around.html Lydia C. Lee

    The richest man I know (multi multi millionaire) left school at 14 to become a panelbeater (didn’t stay as one, obviously) but I like that story as it shows potential can be tapped in many different ways…

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      So true!!! I honesty think that if someone’s skills and interests can be blossomed elsewhere there is nothing wrong in that.

      I think we have too much of a focus on the traditional schooling system and not enough on other education avenues

  • http://circleoftoast.blogspot.com.au/ Lisa@Circle of Toast

    In an ideal world we could focus on things like that – sadly, it’s not how it is! Our oldest daughter just finished Year 12 last year, and our oldest son is in Year 11, so this is all very relevant to us. The only thing we can do is help them realise that while grades are important at this stage, their grades do not define their worth as a person, and that they are just as loved and valued no matter what their grades are. And if they don’t do well, it’s not a big disaster at all, there are other options for them.

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      So true Lisa! It is so important for teens to know that their grades are not the be all and end all and there is so much more.

      If we can all have this value that grades do not change value and self worth I think it would be a whole different story x

  • http://fushmush.net/ jess @ fushmush

    I agree with you about marks. We tend to lose focus on the reason for year 12 marks. Entrance rankings represent the supply and demand for university courses.

    I was devastated with my mark that I received in year 12. I still have bad feelings about it. In the end though I ended up in a career that I loved (Information Technology) and have now switched to a different career that I love just as much (Primary Teaching).

    I grew up in a house where marks were valued which is why I didn’t deal well with my poor year 12 marks. I’m going to try to let my daughter know that we love her no matter what marks she brings home.

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      And you are the prime example as well that the course you do at the end of school may not necessarily be the career you decide to do for your whole life. Plans change and directions change..: and this is okay too xx

  • http://www.twopeas.biz Nina

    I agree whole heartedly about this subject. I believe that schooling is important but there is way too much pressure now compared to when I was in school (which I feel as though was only yesterday..) Children are being bombarded with this idea early on in primary school and they just aren’t able to cope with it. I have 1 in year 8, 2 in primary school, 1 of which will be going to high school next year and the baby starting Kindy next year. I don’t put any pressure on them in regard to school but I do encourage them to aim for a goal that they want to reach with their education and to strive to achieve the best they can in life. There really aren’t a lot of people who choose a career or education path straight out of high school that are still doing it years later. Most of us will change our directions in life once we have a better idea of where we want to go. Some change once, others may take several turns. Either way, nothing is ever written in stone

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      So true Nina. But I honestly don’t think this is conveyed enough to teens when they are trying to make decisions..:

      Goals are so important and only them as the individual will know how well achieved and reached it is… As long as my kids do their best and strive to do something they want to do we can’t ask for much more x

  • http://www.aparentinglife.com Rhianna

    I am much more interested in effort and comment made by the teacher rather than the actually grade. All I really want to ensure is that my kids are making the most of their day, being kind and polite and trying hard. A subjective grade given by a teacher is not always worth the paper on which it is written.

    Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses #teamIBOT

  • http://havealaughonme.wordpress.com Emily @ Have a laugh on me

    I agree, I don’t want to focus on grades, but that my children try their hardest at everything they do, especially in these younger years. However as they grow, high school, they need to realise that grades will help them achieve certain goals in life, eg if they have them. For now though I’m glad we don’t have grades as such, such levels, :)

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      So much easier with no grades. But helping them establish an understanding of goals is something to be really proud of x

  • http://marleisa.com Marleisa

    WHOAH!!! Can I have you as a parent in my class? Thank you :)

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      Haha… Thanks marleisa..: you are more then welcome to send other parents here..: hehe ;)

  • http://essentiallyjess.com EssentiallyJess

    I was having this discussion with someone yesterday. If a person is only capable of a C, because they are not acadmenically gifted, then a C is awesome, because it means they have done their best. To me that’s what it is about; effort and commitment to using all the skills God’s given you

  • http://www.jfgibson.com.au Jodi Gibson

    Beautiful post Tahlia. I totally agree. Academic achievements are important but are certainly not the core of our children. I believe in teaching them to appreciate and accept who they are and if that means they are respectable, honest and only a C grade student so be it. If it means they excel in art and no so in Maths so be it. I want to nurture my kids natural abilities so they shine through. If only the school system was more supportive and less preoccupied with numbers and grades.