This is a guest post by the lovely Amy.
I recently met a mum who though we seemed to have some similarities at first, turned out to be in so many ways the opposite of me. When I started to notice that we have in fact not a lot more in common than our children, I thought there may be no hope for our aspiring friendship.
It began when one of my sons was playing with a little girl – I have formed several relationships this way, as many of you would understand. Naturally the little girl’s mother and I got to talking here and there. Fast forward a little – we swapped phone numbers and it lead to an official ‘date’ at the park which flowed into lunch afterward.
As the weeks rolled on we repeated this several times and I learned that she wasn’t a ‘reader’, she didn’t have any particular interest in music, she’s not ‘into’ much that I’m into at all. After one such date I came home telling my husband that though I wanted very much to enjoy a new friendship, I just wasn’t sure that this one would have much substance – given that there seemed to be very little common ground.
I gave the situation a lot of consideration and realised so many of the friendships I have today are with people from different ‘worlds’ to me and it’s those differences that make me treasure each person and the unique friendships we share. Many of these relationships I formed as a young adult in high school and in my first jobs, where I was exposed to a multitude of people I would never otherwise have encountered. I suppose I was also more open-minded back then too, less world-wearied. I mean, who said I had to find a friendship that came with 100 points of ID and ticked six boxes? No one! Not even me! And yet here I was judging a developing relationship for merits of sustainability based on half-a-dozen rendezvous at the park!
It got me to thinking about how we make relationships and the (most likely subconscious) expectations we have of them. When I look back on my lifetime of friendships in hindsight, I can clearly see that some relationships are fun while they last and some are ear-tagged from the start as long-haulers. Some you have great hopes for and they don’t hit the mark, some you don’t think too much about and they turn out to be dazzlers. There is no distinct criteria for the relationship you’ll form with a certain type of person, or for a certain type of person to create the relationship you desire. And maybe in today’s society we put too much emphasis on finding what works for us instead of working to find ourselves.
I love my ‘nerdy’ friends and I love my ‘trendy’ friends, my ‘sporty’ friends, my ‘all-about-the-kids’ friends, the ‘hippie’ friends, the ‘old’ friends and now my ‘new’ friend. Given that my son enjoys the company of this little girl so much and that I truly did want to open my circle, I stuck with it and am so very glad I did.
The category my friend fits in is yet to be determined, perhaps our relationship doesn’t suit any title and nor does it need to. I am so very grateful for the wide array of people in my life, it matters not where they came from or what percentage of common interests we have. Sometimes the only commonality we share is simply liking one another. And I’m okay with that!
What does friendship mean to you?
When Amy is not busy being a mum to her two boys, she and her husband restore and customise old cars and motorcycles from their workshop, Mod Squad Customs. She is a ‘rev-head’ who loves sharing time with her friends and family, a good book, live music, seizing the moment. Amy likes to live by the motto ‘live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation’.
If you want to share a story, please get in touch at tahlia@theparentingfiles.com.au. I would love to hear from you.
