When I was growing up I was alway told to say “sorry” when I did something wrong. Nothing much has changed really. Hitting someone else, not doing as you are asked, throwing things, pushing… my daughter is doing it all at the moment during her “terrible twos”. But does she really know what sorry means?
She can not say sorry. Her language is not 100% there. Yes, she has hit a few times, pushed, and done some not nice things to others. But does she really understand sorry?
I can not help but wonder if this is a word we expect our children to use whenever they have done something wrong? Is this a word we are using maybe a little too much?
The other day Little E pushed her cousin. They were having a little rough and tumble but she went that little bit too far. I took her aside. Spoke to her. Gave her some time out to calm down. And explained that we do not push anyone. What happened next completely took me by surprise…
“Is she going to say sorry?”, my sister-in law asked.
Yesterday my friend described a situation where one boy pushed another yet both were expected to say”sorry”. It was not about who was right and who was wrong. Who pushed who and who didn’t. Rather her rational is about teaching them both empathy and responsibility and even handiness.
Is this fair? Is this now the right way to approach such a situation?
I was always taught to say sorry if you mean it. Otherwise it becomes just another word. We can all say sorry (well… not my 2 year old), we can all use the word.. but doesn’t it become a little meaningless if we don’t mean it? Doesn’t it just become another word?
I am a strong believer that children need to understand when they have done something wrong. They need to know what is acceptable and what is not. Boundaries. Limitations. Consequences. Empathy and remorse for when they have hurt someone else. So does this include the word “sorry” every time?
Dad always used to ask me.. “what are you sorry for”? I then had to think about it. Rationalise my apology and understand for myself what I was sorry about. It was not just another word.
I want my children to grow up with compassion, understanding and empathy for others. Care for others and remorse. I don’t want there to be resentment for feeling they have to do something when they don’t believe it. I want them to own it. Take responsibility. And be proud for themselves when they can acknowledge their apology and need to be sorry.
But then again, what would the world be like if we all just a little bit more sorry?
What does sorry mean to you? Where are you sitting with sorry?
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