I have been struggling with these thoughts for some time now and have always questioned if I should write about them. The truth is, I have a friend that seems to constantly let me down. No doubt, we have all experienced moments when our nearest and dearest friends {or so they would seem} have disappointed us, let us down, frustrated us, or dare I say it, left or abandoned the friendship to some degree.
It damn hurts.
I don’t have many friends. I have never been one to seek and grab friendships by the dozen. I treasure the few I have and feel I would rather devote my time, energy and soul into the few I have then to constantly feel I have to ‘keep up’ with many more. I have friends that have come into my life through a similar parenting bond, an old school friend who I am blessed to have known since I was eight years old, and high school friends who have come, stuck around and left for reasons that I still don’t really know. But there is a specific friend in my life who constantly seems to let me down and I am forever questioning, why?
Why do I still invest in this friendship?
Why do I still allow myself to get hurt?
Why do I still put myself out?
Why do I give my time up for then to be cancelled on?
Why?
And the truth is, I am a strong believer in never closing doors on anyone. My oldest girlfriend and I kind of “broke up” for about ten years, and then somehow and in someway, we reconnected. It is amazing. I never closed the door and still believe to this day that you never know when and how paths may realign again. But I would never ever tell my children to invest in friendships where they are left feeling hurt, disappointed and questioning themselves in the process. And yet, here I am doing exactly that.
But I can’t close the door. And I feel scared to confront and communicate these feelings in fear that the door, in fact, will get closed on me. So I continue to invest my time, energy, soul and time where I then always {ALWAYS} walk away with more why’s?
I want to teach my children that friendships, good ones, are precious and to be treasured. I want to teach my children that friendships should always be a two-way street. I want to teach my children to always be kind and do to others that they would want to do to them. Never disrespect someone else and never feel that they are not worthy of having the best friendships. I want to teach my children that truth and honesty are paramount and always believe in your heart as to what you know is best.
And yet, here I am NOT practising what I preach.
So, I ask, have you, or do you, have a friend that constantly lets you down? What have you done?
