friendships: what does it mean to be a good friend?

A while back I discussed the occasional friend – the friend who is there for occasions, but really is not there; the friend who will call on you to announce their special occasion or news. Today I wonder about the importance of special people in your life, and what this means.

We all need someone (other then our partner or family) to validate us, to listen to us, and to tell us they are there. In some of the most challenging times in one’s life, the special people begin to shine. They shout out to us and say, “hey, I’m here. You can chat, or not chat, but I am here.”

The special friend validates your feelings of pain, uncertainty, worry and concern. Hears you when in need and acknwledges your need to talk and be heard. The special friend will know when something is not quite right and put their hand up and say, “hey, I’m here”. That person will call you back and not tell you their excuses and stories of what their chaotic life has brought them. As much as you want to hear it, sometimes we just want to be the talker and not the listener.

Sometimes we need to take a moment and reflect on how we are as friends and how we handle certain situations. How do you acknowledge and greet your friends? How to you assist a friend in need? What are our children picking up and seeing in us, as a friend and how we cope when we have challenges within friendships? We can’t forget the role model that we are, even in the way we are socially.

Friendships evolve, change, develop or diminish, as we all have most probably experienced. As children too begin to experience this, helping them cope may involve some reflection on our behalf. The concept of BFF may not apply to everyone, in fact, maybe it is not about a “bestie”, but a handful of close special friends? My grandmother once told me that if you can count the number of special friends on one hand, then you are very lucky! This still sticks. Sometimes friends come in the most unlikely and unexpected person and moment.

I quote by Henri Nouwen sums it up for me – “The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing… not healing, not curing… that is a friend who cares.”

So I wonder what other features and characteristics make up a special friend? Where are your moments of weakness?

Maybe we all have to also send out a little extra gratitude and thanks to our closest and dearest. To the ones that make us laugh, smile, cry and just let loose. To our friends that can see the funny humour in what could be a stressful moment. To those that allow us to let out some nervous energy.