We have all heard it. Resilience…
Resilience is the ability to adapt and cope with life’s adversity and stress. The hard times, tough emotional times, trauma and grief. But being resilient does not mean children won’t experience pain and sadness. It rather is about being about to cope, process and move forward after such emotional distress.
It is a question I am asked constantly… “How do I build more resilience in my child?”
“How can I help my child be more resilient then others?”
The other day I was told of a young boys experience at ball sports. He is 5 years old. He is probably one of those children who is naturally a little more sensitive to what happens to himself and other people. One of those kids who is a little more unsure of his world as opposed to being an outgoing extroverted confident young chap.
While he was standing holding the basketball, he froze. He didn’t quite know what to do. He just stood there with the ball in his hand. So when another child came up to him and bounced the ball away from him, he cried.
Now naturally it is never a nice thing to have some other child take the ball from you. For that moment in time he may have froze, but in his young mind, that ball was his.
“How can I help him be ok and react in a different way?”
So what can you do?
1. Communicate emotions – encourage regular communication about emotions and feelings by regularly asking children what they may be feeling, how they are feeling what it looks like.
2. Give kids specific roles and responsibilities at home – making children an active member of the family gives them a sense of independence, ownership and self-worth while similarly encourages the use of problem-solving skills which are essential for life’s toughest moments.
3. Help children find alternative coping mechanisms – discuss, talk and problem-solve different possible coping mechanism. This young boy may have probably felt so stuck and unsure of what else to do but cry.
4. Use experiences and situations to teach and learn – we all learn our biggest lessons through living through situations and experiences. Use the problem as a opportunity to help children grow and learn for the future. “What do you think you could do differently next time?” is a question you could ask.
5. Empower children to make their own decisions – builds competence in children to know that they can feel confident to make decisions when needed.
6.Model positive behaviour at home – children will learn some of their biggest lessons at home from observing their parents. How do you cope with emotional hardship? How do you cope with stress?
While some children are naturally more resilient and confident then others, others need a little more coaching and assistance along their journey. Building resilience in children is not a one style fits all approach. As every child is different, children will need different tools.
Has your child ever felt stuck in a social situation?
How do you help build resilience in your children?
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