My five-year-old can never find his shoes. Or his hat, his water bottle, his bag or his jacket. To be honest with you, I’m actually surprised he can find his way out of his bedroom in the mornings, although it won’t surprise you to hear that he has no problems finding the TV or his brother’s nose with his fist.
I used to think that the answer lay with me. ‘If I was a good mother’ I used to think, ‘then I’d know where his shoes were at all times, and hand them to him on his way out of the door, lovingly stroking his hair as he went. Perhaps if I made it more obvious where to put shoes once they’re removed from sweaty feet, then maybe he wouldn’t have such trouble getting them there, and leaving them, both of them, there until they are required again.’
In my more ridiculous moments, I would indicate the presence of a box outside the front door, aptly marked ‘shoes,’ guide the boy towards it, and repeat “put your shoes in here.” ‘Surely’ I thought, like a novice parent, ‘surely he couldn’t fail to understand the message.’ But alas, the poor child could not commit. Although to his credit, I think he did get a shoe in there once. By accident.
But after months of berating myself for my inability to communicate adequately, my failure to properly guide my child, and my negligence at not providing new footwear at the start of every day, I had an epiphany, and saw the light. Now I know it’s not fashionable to say this, but kids have to take responsibility for themselves. There comes a time when parents must step back and let their children see the consequences of their actions and inaction, to deal with whatever they might be, and to learn the lessons of life.
Now I’m not suggesting we start leaving packets of matches or razor blades lying around just to teach our kids a lesson, but it is important to let them see some of their behaviours through to their natural conclusions. Let the law of ‘natural consequences’ prevail where it is not cruel to do so. Let them feel the chill of a cold wind or the rumble in their bellies when those are the consequences of forgetfulness, ambivalence or of ignoring you, yet again. Let them recall the discomfort of thirst, the shame of homework undelivered and the stickiness of toes without socks, and next time they will think twice. In no time at all, lessons will be learned.
It may sound harsh, but in fact, the opposite is true. Teach these lessons now, and your kids will become strong, independent and capable human beings. Challenge them, and little by little, let them take responsibility for themselves. Give them the chance to use their faculties, to be less reliant and to hone their life skills, and your days of lost shoes will be over for good.
How have you stepped back to teach your child a lesson?
Check out Abi at Juggle Family and Parenting Consultancy at www.familyjuggle.com.au or on Facebook
Linking up with Essentially Jess
