Toddler tantrums…Some days are terrible, and other days seem to be quite pleasant. Every parent is always asking me, ‘how do I tackle the terrible two’s?’ But why are they called the terrible two’s you ask?
Two is the age that a little person begins to experience the world for themselves. They have begun to walk, talk and do everything that a toddler is meant to do. Climb the ladder, climb up the slide instead of going down, draw on the walls, draw on themselves and everywhere they are not meant to draw. And the defiance starts. The independence. “No Mine”; “I do it on my own”, stage.
“I want, I want” stage.
They live in the here and now. They see cause and effect NOW. Not in an hour, not tomorrow… now. So when they drop the ice cream from the cone, or can’t get the packet of chips they so desperately want, that is disaster in their eyes. Their world is crumbling down around them in that moment of time.
And it is the stage that they are beginning to understand about their emotions and develop understanding of what they feel. The ability for them to process these emotions as they speak is beginning.
But often they don’t understand what they feel. Often they don’t know what sad, frustrated, angry or upset look like. They just know something is not right. And us Mumma’s know it too. Labelling it is even harder. So what happens… they have a tantrum. They have a scream, a cry or a yell. In our situation, we often get the jumping while crying.
And sometimes it just happens out of the blue. With no apparent reason. The emotions get all too much, and just like an explosion, it goes off. With no warning.
And terrible it is because as parents, we are lost, helpless and often stuck as to what to do. Let alone confused as to a child that is trying to communicate something and you have no idea what it is.
And terrible it is because the defiance is there, the stubbornness and the crying and screaming over absolutely anything and everything.
So what can you do to help your little person, and you?
1. Stay calm: Yes, it is hard! But the calmer you are, the less reaction you are giving to the behaviour.
2. Less is best: The less reaction you give, the less likely it will continue to occur. Children are cleaver little creatures in that if they know they are going to get something, even a reaction from their Mumma, they will keep going back for more.
3. Be compassionate, and loving yet firm: Give a hug, give an embrace and acknowledge their feelings. “I understand you are upset, but you can not have any chips now sweety”.
4. Time out the behaviour: Reinforce that it is okay to be upset and that their outburst is often their way of expressing themselves. So let them have their scream. “You just need to sit here while you calm down”; or “Mummy will wait here while you calm down”. Now, given, this may not work for all. It may flare up the situation even more. But it coincides with not engaging with the behaviour.
5. Take a deep breath: In the supermarket it is hard. The scream while in the trolley or in the aisle… every mum has either been in it or will experience it (sorry mumma’s). But just take a deep breath and know this is a faze.
6. Reward good behaviour: Sticker charts or stamps are great. It encourages good behaviour and empowers young children too. And surprise them every so often too. “You are going to get a stamp now for being such a great boy in the supermarket”. When they don’t expect it, it keeps them on their toes.
7. Listen Listen an Listen: Listen to their words, even if you don’t understand everything. They may be young and not know exactly what they are talking about, but they ned to be acknowledged and heard just as equally.
Have you been through the terrible twos? What are your tips for surviving the terrible twos?
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