Since completing my studies in family therapy I have become much more insightful and curious as to the pieces of the puzzle that make up who I am today. I often sit and wonder what characteristics and personality traits are from my maternal side, from my paternal side, or those characteristics that may have come from generations before. The question of where we come from, who we are, and what has shaped and influenced us into the person we are today are almost always put on the table for discussion…
Today’s newspaper features an article titled ‘Secrets of the father become the mysteries of the child’, an article that discusses the implications, emotions and feelings for sperm donors and the children they bear anonymously. Should all children be entitled to know where they come from, who their biological father (or mother) is? Or do we need to consider the anonymity of those that donated who at the time choose to do such a gesture to give other people the honour of having children? The tv show ‘Find my family’, similarly highlights the need for individuals to find their missing piece of the puzzle, a crucial part of them that they feel unanswered. One could not ignore the emotion, feeling and sense of incompleteness that was so obvious in many of these individuals.
So I wonder, if we have all the pieces filled, does this answer all the unanswered questions, or does it raise more questions? Is there part of us that needs a little ‘secret’?
Now I often ask myself what questions will be asked by my daughter. Now understandably, I know who my parents are, but I certainly do not know the answers to all my family secrets, questions, and generational happenings. I guess I can only feel privilged that my grandmother was able to share her story of survival to me, for me to now be able to pass onto her. I guess I can only feel privilged that my mother is similarly able to tell her story of survival how she heard it.
For many, the answers to the questions are not important. They have reached their own contentment and peace with the information, love and support they have around them. Living in the present feeling as opposed to the past. So in truth, the only truth is what we make of it and what as individuals we need to know. We all need different things to make us feel “complete”. Where we come from is just another one of those things….
