Family Life

10 tips to managing your anger

the scream

I have felt it, you have felt it, we have all felt it. Anger is not the problem. Anger is normal. Rather, how you deal with your anger can be the make or breaker for not only yourself, but your family as well.

:: Sometimes anger can be hidden.

:: Sometimes anger can creep up on you.

:: Sometimes it can be rage, and sometimes it can involve sadness.

:: Because anger can have many layers.


So the first thing is to acknowledge it! Yes, acknowledge that you are feeling angry and don’t try to hide it away. Because it is in the acknowledgement that you are recognising the first signs of anger.

I listened to the beautiful Naomi from Seven Cherubs the other day talk about anger. I love her honesty. She said, “I make a personal announcement – for your own personal safety please leave the room”. Honesty, witt and a little humour. So what are some other things you can do to help manage your anger:

1. Give yourself permission for your “time out”. Like me, you may give your child “time out” for misbehaving, or getting a little out of control. Who said mummy can not have “time out” too.

2. Know that anger is normal and okay. Be honest with yourself. Don’t think you are less of a person for feeling angry.

3. Acknowledge your anger. Acknowledge you are feeling angry.

4. Think of your ‘traffic light zones’. Green, being okay, Orange means warning, Red is fuming. What happens in each of these zones? What do you notice happens when you move from green to red? Does your heart rate increase, or do you begin to get sweaty, or you may disengage? Notice what happens.

5. Take a deep breath – it may sound cliche, but by a breath I mean a mindful breath, focusing on your breath through your lungs and diaphragm, imagining the air go in and then out. It is mindful breath taking.

6. Take out your rage productively. If you feel you are getting to that red zone, bang a pillow, scream on the street, or jump up and down. Think about a way to take out your anger productively.

7. Find ways to relax. Even if it is five minutes a day, we all need a moment to ourselves. Maybe a bath, or meditation, gym glass, or having a nice glass of wine. What do you do to relax?

8. Discover what your trigger points are. I can lose it in the supermarket. It is a weak point/place for me.

9. Think about what you are grateful for. It is a simple exercise, but can help you gain perspective and focus your attention on what matters.

10. Learn forgiveness. Anger is an emotion; anger is the iceberg you see above the water. And like an iceberg, there are emotions, and possible unresolved challenges and upbringings that may be fuelling your anger.

Is anger a little monster that lurks around your house every so often?

Linking up with Essentially Jess


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  • Sonia Life Love Hiccups

    Fabulous tips hun and I will be taking MANY of them on board ;) xx

  • Me

    Thanks – there are some really good tips in there – thanks for sharing !
    Have the best day !
    #IBOT visitor

  • Pip

    Yup – I completely agree – when I’m flying off the handle often I know something must be triggering it. For me lately I’ve noticed it’s caffeine. Usually IT problems turn me into a raving lunatic as I scream and hiss at the pc. But last night after one week away from coffee I calmly walked away from my pc and hopped on the ipad – even though it couldn’t solve my problem. Success. Trigger conscious definitely helps.

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      Good on you Pip for recognising some of your triggers. It can be so hard sometimes! Me and coffee thankfully have a good and understanding relationship x

  • Kylie @ A Study in Contradictions

    Excellent tips, all of them! I am an outburst kind of girl, one minute I am all calm and controlled and then the next, without warning, I snap and go off. It’s something I’ve been working on for years and I am slowly getting better, and I’ve found that the times I seem to snap more often are the times when I haven’t had a chance to have any time for myself and that’s when I know I need to plan a break, a facial, a pedicure, just going to the shops and spending an hour or two browsing the bookstore.
    #teamIBOT was here!

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      Kylie you and me both! I totally just snap sometimes. I then recognise it later and try to access what has been happening. Sometimes for me it is also hormonal. And others, it is when I am feeling overwhelmed.

      I think I am also die for a facial! xx

  • Rachel

    I find taking a deep breath is simple but effective. I also focus on trying to exlpain WHY I’m angry – the conscious effort of putting my anger into language that my 3 boys will understand helps me calm down and centre myself. Also I if I am just having a cranky day I apologise to them to try and show that everyone is allowed to have their cranky days and that even grown ups say sorry when they are wrong.

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      So true Rachel! It is so important to normalise it with our children too and teach them that it is okay to be cranky, then re-centre and apologise. Love your tips, thankyou xx

  • Emily @ Have a laugh on me

    Oh man I was totally angry this morning and reacted SO the wrong way. Thanks for the reminders. Breathing does help as I try to get my kids to do it when they can’t stop crying. I often apologise for being a cranky pants to my kids but then I explain that sometimes their behaviour doesn’t help – Great post x

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      I think it is so normal to react in ways we shouldn’t sometimes. But recognising this is also such an important thing. I too teach my 3 year old to take a breath when she gets worked up. x

  • jess @ myheartisyourhome

    My Mum once took me to the beach after I had a disappointing encounter with my Dad. She drew him in the sand and then gave me a stick. Told me to take my anger out on him. It was the best thing she ever taught me! Redirecting your anger. I also find that saying out loud that you are angry helps deal with it.

    There are some great tips here!

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      Wow! I love your mum! Wise woman she is! xx

  • Martine@themodernparent

    Great points. When i feel myself getting toward the red zone, I am now stopping to ask myself “what’s the worst that can happen here”, and more often than not the anger is not proportionate to the outcome. . Then I try the deep breaths!

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      Trying to regain perspective is sometimes the best thing…. my husband is one who always tries to help me on this one too xx

  • Lisa@RandomActsOfZen

    Oh these are fabulous ideas Tahlia! I find deep breathing and getting some space to myself for a few minutes seem to help. xx

  • Alicia

    Tahlia this is a powerful post. anger comes up with me, I feel so bad about it. It is a time to move myself away from a situation, to get out for a walk, a break away from the house, even it is with the kids. I find this even though sometimes stressful in itself, the best solution! Mum needs a break sometimes and kids don’t get this at all!

  • Janet Dubac

    Thank for sharing these tips Tahlia. As a busy parent, I find myself struggling with emotions of anger. Your tips are very realistic, I believe they can really help me take control of my anger issues. Thanks again!

  • grace

    Oh, yes! Anger and I meet up on many an unfortunate occasion! I love your points. Identifying trigger points has been a huge tool for me. And my meditation at night has done wonders too. Not to say I no longer have testing moments. They still happen but probably with less intensity and for shorter periods of time.

  • Rita

    Great tips. I agree with you, the most important thing is to acknowledge anger.

  • Tegan

    Thanks for this post. It is definitely something that I will be taking on board. My psych and I are actually working on recognising that emotions aren’t good or bad, they just are.

  • Ai Sakura

    Great tips. It’s easy to lose yourself when you get angry so a “time out” is a very good idea to make sure you don’t do or say things you might regret

  • Twinkle in the Eye

    Sound advice

  • EssentiallyJess

    Great tips Tahlia. It’s funny, I quite often get cranky with the kids, but it’s been a while since I got really, really angry. I can’t actually remember it

  • Cocktails at Naptime

    I’m your latest follower from the Flash Blog Friday! Yes the anger monster does lurk at my house and pops up now and again. But it is a lot easier now the kids are 9 and 11. When they were younger I’d lose it a lot more because they constantly were hanging around me and needing to be entertained. Now they do their own thing we all have a lot more space!

    • tahlia @ the parenting files

      Thanks for stopping by Cocktails :) I totally get frustrated sometimes when my 3 year old wants to be entertained all the time. I can see how things will be so different in time when they older like your two…. xx

  • Crystal

    Such a great post! It has taken many years, but I am not familiar with my triggers – enough so that I can step from the situation, calm down and then reengage. :)